The EmiRANT Pt. 3 – The Handling of Slow Eaters

Woahhh there slow eaters, not so fast – I’m actually on your side for this one!

So, my wife is one of the slowest eaters I’ve ever come across. I do feel slightly bad, because on the flip-side, I’m somewhat of a gannet.

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An accurate representation of how I eat.

This causes frustration, as usually I’m finished before she has even started on her second mouthful and I have to sit round trying to not to interrupt her mid-swallow, yet keep conversation flowing whilst not rudely playing on my phone whilst I wait. It’s a real balancing act – but an act I feel I’m now an expert in.

What completely exacerbates any uncomfortableness felt by the slower eater though, is when service staff have the inability to assess the situation in front of them. Do you really think my wife wants a show made of the fact that she’s still eating by clearing up everyone else’s plates who’s finished? No! So Dubai restaurants, just leave it alone! If she’s still eating, bugger off and leave us until the whole table has finished.

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And another thing, stop bloody asking if she’s finished when she has her knife and fork in her hands. I’m not sure what the utter eagerness is from the majority of the restaurants out here to aggressively clear tables, but just wait until we’ve all finished.


Thank you.

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More madness next week.

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