The EmiRANT Pt. 1 – Poached Eggs.

There are a few things that I experience in restaurants and cafes, that really grind my gears. This is a new section where every week on a Monday morning (when I’m usually at my grumpiest), I’ll be having a good old whinge (I am a Yorkshireman after all) to attempt to get the message out to the food scene over here, to cut out some some infuriating aspects of their service. Please help me in spreading the word!

Exhibit A – This is a poached egg:

True porneggraphy.

Notice how the white is fully cooked through and the yolk remains oozy and gooey?

Exhibit B – this is overcooked rubbish:


Exhibit C – This is a raw, undercooked salmonella risk:

Would you like a tissue with your snot?

Exhibit D – this is a piece of steak:

Oh yeahhh.

A steak comes in a few different ways: Blue, Rare, Medium Rare, Medium, Well-Done



What annoys me the most, is that there’s no uniform understanding from people over here as to what “Runny” or “Medium” means. I’ve asked for runny before at Pots Pans & Boards in JBR and I think the chef literally cracked the egg on my toast and served it up. The next time I went somewhere and asked for “Medium” it came like exhibit B.

I recently arrived back from New York and not once I was asked how I want my poached eggs cooked, because everywhere else in the world seems to understand:

The “perfect” poached egg has a runny yolk, with a hardening crust and no raw white remaining. – wikipedia

Now, I know that some people will say “well, I don’t like my egg yolks runny!” and I won’t be Mr. Judgey McJudgerson (even though these people are wrong!) but in this rare case, when it comes to ordering eggs, these people just need to mention “can I have my yolks fully cooked?”.

Now, for the restaurants who don’t ask me how I want my eggs cooked (TICK!!) but then serve me Exhibits B or C, then please go back to your chefs and spend a little time in teaching them this – not too difficult – basic kitchen skill. (FYI: Exhibit A was created by my fair hands and I don’t profess to be a good cook at all).

You can use this method below on how to achieve sterling results:

  1. boil unsalted water
  2. when the water is boiling, carefully crack an egg into a small glass/ramekin (the fresher the egg, the better the result!)
  3. add a good few splashes of vinegar to the water (this helps the bind y’all)
  4. pour the eggs ever so carefully into each side of the pan, and turn it down to a simmer (you don’t want the boil to be too aggressive)
  5. pop in a slice of toast, when it pops up from the toaster, remove the eggs with a slotted spoon and place carefully on kitchen towel to soak up excess moisture
  6. place on the toast, season with salt, pepper and love and enjoy!

Let me know what you think! If you struggle with making poached eggs yourselves, I’d love to see the results on my Facebook page from you trying my method – and I’d love to know if you have any EmiRANTs of your own.

The EmiRANT talks ‘long-life milk’ next week. Stay tuned – it won’t be pretty.


9 thoughts on “The EmiRANT Pt. 1 – Poached Eggs.

  1. But surely this method is dependant how you like your toast me I barely have any colour on it! So surely the egg would be snotty when my toast pops up.just a thought?

    1. It’s ridiculous when chefs can’t cook an egg right. I’ve never been to St. Tropez actually in MoE, is that the cafe by the ski slope? Will have to check it out!

  2. Tried and tested method – have the water on a full boil – whirl the water and after cracking eggs into a ramekin carefully place in swirling water. Leave water on full boil – as the water is nearly boiling over lift the pan off the heat allow to settle! Then put back on heat and wait for second boil over – your eggs are now done – slotted spoon out they come 🙂 no vinegar required

    1. I found that due to the poor quality of eggs over here, means that the swirly method sometimes sends the whites everywhere! (or do you mean keep the eggs in a ramekin?) I’ve tried in a sandwich bag before and that works well!

  3. Love, love me a poached egg. Hate, hate when it’s not right! Have you ever tried without the vinegar?? I’ve been reading that it’s a myth and it only adds a vinegar taste ….. Mr Oliver, what does he know?! 😉 Secret is very, very, very fresh eggs ….. if only we had!!!

  4. Forget poached eggs, I would like most of them to make decent scrambled eggs first, let’s not run before they can walk. I honestly had something once that looked like they had over microwaved some eggs in a bowl & turned it out on the plate like half a yellow cricket ball. I won’t shame them on here, but their name was one of The Beatles & they should know better.

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